MY LIFE, MY STORY..

21 years ago, a woman gave birth to her first daughter, named Erica Winata Phenjaya. The girl was born with difficulty, but she became a favorite for her big family at that time. She grew in wealth family. She was lucky to be born in a family that loved her so much even though they expect their first child and grandchild is a baby boy. Well, their first daughter and granddaughter is me.

Absolutely, They all loved me very much until finally my grandparents passed away. but I can still feel their love until my current age. I ever lived in wealth but we fall into poverty in the end. I almost dropped out of school when I was secondary. I can’t pay school fees and I need to find a way to earn money to be able back to school because I don’t want to be in the poverty. I hate poverty so much at that time. Poverty grabbed my happiness and my teenage years. I lost time to play with friends at my age. At that time I was 14 years old and I have to think about how do I get money to pay my school fees. I was very depressed at the time, I really felt depressed and wanted to cried. I was secondary at that time. It is sort of a joke to hear how so many people talk about living in poverty.  Many of those people have no real clue what it is like and how stressful it is until you have to do it year after year. I had no idea this would occur in my life. At first, I had strength to fight back, but now I am worn down. It feels like falling in the ocean and treading water for years with no real ladder to a ship to get out and get stable and warm. It is hellish stress and very humiliating.

I remember my childhood being basically happy until I was about 12.  I remember my classmates laughing at me for wearing the same pair of blue skirts every day for a week.  I asked my mother to buy me some new clothes or new uniform and she told me I should be grateful for what I had, that she had grown up during the Depression and she remembered kids who had holes in their shoes, etc.. 

By the time I was 15, we were better off financially, I decided to becoming a tutor and  get money for my very first time. The results of teaching, I pay for my own school.  I fought for my life, and my brother-sister. I became a tutor for elementary school children. So I can pay for school fees and daily needs.

As a teenagers, to the shopping mall, gathering in cafes, eating in expensive restaurants is the most favorite things to do. But  I don’t have time for things like that, and it’s seemed too far away from my life. In the morning, waking up early and breakfast with a simple menu. Went to school on foot to save my money. After school, I have to teach, that the reward only Rp 90,000 per child per month. The activity that became my daily routine. Really different from a normal teenagers life. I can’t expect my parents to feed me. I struggled, for my own future. I am having a difficult time in life, but  I can grow and develop, build strength and strong character. And then, I had a lot of students and became quite famous because of my technique of teaching. I have almost 25 students, I teach from afternoon until the evening. I get a lot of money at that time. And shortly afterwards, the tutoring fees become 150,000.

I forgot to tell you that I know Buddhism when I was 14 and interested to learn more bout’ Buddhism. I was confronted with the choice to be a Christian or a Buddhist. My whole family is Christian. I'd love to tell you more about how I could finally being a Buddhist, but not this time. Next time I'll tell the whole story! I became a Buddhist when I was 17, but since I was 15 years old I've loved Buddhism. And of course my parents disagreed with my choice, but I am still on my choice to choose my own religion.